Rant 3: People Blow

Written, November 7, 2005

 

Because it's important and everyone should know, here's a list of people that piss me off.
Babies: They cry too much. Especially in movies theatres. Probably why I don't go see movies anymore. Because I know the best part will come up and some little whiny shit's gonna cry. But Babies do have a use. They tend to have candy, which is easily taken.
Children: Same level as babies. They whine too much. "I don't wanna!" "No!" I'd backhand the little bastards. When I say clean your room I mean now. And you're going to clean until I can see my reflection in the floor. What? You have carpet? Tough shit. And their hands are always sticky.
Teenagers: Just big Children. They bitch about how "Oppressive" their parents are. Don't like it? Move out. What's the matter, they won't let you stay out until 4 in the morning? It's not that they are worried about your safety, they just don't want you waking them up when you come in. Some of us have to go to work in the morning asshole. Besides, they resent you because it's hard to have sex with a kid in the house and you've been pulling this "I live here too" shit for at least 13 years.
Adults: I don't quite understand how you got dumber. Guess the drugs, sex, and junk food is starting to affect your brain. You have become liars, mindless lemmings, and given up all of your hopes and dreams. If you still have any, you probably want to save the earth or something. And that just makes you an aging Hippy.
Old People: They smell bad, are slow, and force their values on everyone else because they think they are right. Most people don't even get religious until they realize they are close to death. Fucking hypocrites.
"Macho" Jocks: The guys that talk about Cars and Sports all the time. Don't get me wrong, cars are nice, they get me from Point A to Point B so I don't have to walk, but are they really worth talking about for hours on end? Fuck no. And Sports is even worst. I mean, yes I watch Football on occasion, but it's normally just every hour or so flipping back to see who's winning. I may watch 15 minutes or so, but that shit gets boring after awhile. And wrestling hasn't been cool since I was 10. Macho, Insecure, Tobacco Spit'n, Wife Beaters out there. Guys? You just watched two big, half naked sweaty guys holding each other and rubbing together for an hour. Your greatest fears have come true you're gay. Sorry. And people who watch Entire NASCAR races are fucking morons. Not even gonna go into that.
Gossip Bitches: I don't give a fuck what who said about Maria's Boyfriend. It just isn't important. Wanna do something about it? Break into her house and steal all of her shit, that'll teach her.
Hippies: I don't feel you've been covered enough in this. You stink, you're probably diseased, and no one gives a flying fuck about saving the rainforest. You wanna know why? Because there are just a bunch of stupid animals there. Most of them being poisonous. There are frogs with skin that secretes poison. That's just fucked up. You could touch it and die. I think we need to kill these mutants before they overrun us. Besides, Chimps would totally chase you out of your house if they knew how to fire guns and where to get them.
Vegetarians: You are retards. Animals eat other animals, so why shouldn't we? Besides, they are delicious.
Animals: Hippies claim (Animals are people too, so they get their own section.) Animals will eat you when they get the chance. Wolves, Lions, tigers, Bears, they'll eat you faster than look at you. Personally, I think we should eat them. Just blow their heads off and cover them in A1. Because A1 goes good on everything. Except Ice Cream. That Chocolate sauce that hardens on it is better than A1. Yes, even your pets. You won't even know it was your cat until you were half done with the steak and found the strategically placed Jingle collar. And you know what? Unless you were a pussy you'd just toss it behind you and keep eating. Mmmmm, Hot Pussy.
Teachers: Most of these morons don't even understand the subject they are teaching. At least the ones in College admit it. "You're paying me so and so amount of money, and I have no idea what I'm talking about." And so many of them are bitter bitches because they haven't had sex in 12 years.
Jack Thomson: That's right, that fucktard gets his own section. You wanted attention? Here you go dumbass. You lied to fucking charities. You promised 10k to charity and when we did our part, you backed out. But Gabe and Tycho, who kick much ass, paid for it. Even all of your supporters are backing out because they have come to realize you're full of shit.
Ninjas: Not the cool ninjas, but the nameless ones that respawn everywhere. They are like roaches. I have to kill at least eight ninjas on Monday morning just to get to work. I mean I open the elevator, fucking ninjas. Normally I do a sweep kick to trip the first one, then use the other leg to kick him into the second ninja. If there happens to be a third, I just do a clapping sword catch to block his katana, then headbutt him through the glass elevator. I have a desk drawer full of katanas, I don't know what you're supposed to do with them when the Ninjas are dead. Though I have found they work well against the Pirates waiting for me at College. I hate those bastards too. They always smell like rum.
People who think Drinking Starbucks makes them look cool: You paid $7 for a cup of cold coffee? What the fuck is wrong with you? $7 can feed me for 2 days. Serious. Hot Pockets, $10.24 for 12, look it up dipshit. And I know that's more, but at two pockets a day it works. Don't agree? Bite me.
85.3 cents a Pocket, Two is $1.71, get two drinks for 75 cents each that's $3.21, two days, $6.42. I'm fucking right again.
People Who Checked my Math: Did you think I was bullshit'n?
People who argue when they are clearly wrong: Believe it or not, I'm wrong on occasion. If you prove me wrong, congrats, you get a cookie. But after that I say "OK, you are right." But some people keep at it. It's obvious that they are incorrect, but they just keep arguing. Why? Because they have nothing better to do. They just want to argue because it's the only way anyone will talk to them.
Narrow Minded Fucks: They only see things their way. If a guy hangs out with a Chick, they are "Together", if you don't agree with someone they are wrong, "Christianity is the right religion", "I shouldn't be a Dragoon because their stats suck", "people shouldn't eat other people", the normal stuff.
The French: They skip around in purple and pink drinking wine and eating cheese. If that isn't enough reason, the women don't shave their armpits and they can't fight. They also have a foul odor. Filthy Frogs.
Racists: What a bunch of dumb bastards. Stereo types are funny, I'll give you that, but that's all they really are, jokes. But not all stereo types are bad either. Like the one that Asians are smart. You know, all of these stereo types do have some truth to them. No one sat at a desk and just pulled this shit out of their ass. So Mexicans stop stealing, Blacks stop "Thug'n” Asians Learn to Drive, Whites stop whining and "Opresse'n", Middle East ...People, stop suicide bombing buses, And Eskimos, enough with the Pies. On the other side of this argument, there are racists of every color. Whitey ain't evil, but at least their racists admit to it, instead of accuse other people. Oh, and on a final note, all of this special treatment needs to stop too. "United Negro College Fund" www.uncf.org, This just pisses me off +1. First off, the Name itself, It SHOULD be offensive, but apparently if I give you enough money I can call you a Negro? That makes you WHORES. Second off, if there was a "United Cracker College Fund" it would be racist, and shut down. I don't know, I just don't see the difference.
Rich People: They bitch more than the poor do. If all that money is THAT much of a problem, I know how you can get it off your hands. Besides, some Donations can be used as Tax ride offs. Or you can just give it to me. I'll appreciate it.
Script Kiddies: These are the 1337 h4x0r5. The ones that get a hold of some real hacker's hard work, then think they are god. #1, Hackers don't normally go around bragging. #2 Hackers don't have social lives. They live in their parent's basement trying to bust codes and are VERY clean, and proud of their work. #3 They don't Fuck up pages just for the hell of it.
Soccer Moms: It doesn't have to be Soccer, it can be any sport or school activity. These are the bitches that drive Mini-Vans and cut you off in traffic just so you can see the "My Child Made The A Honor Role" Makes me want to slam into the back of them so hard that Little Jimmy goes from GT classes to Special ED.
Self-Sympathetic Cripples: "My legs don't work, so everyone should feel sorry for me." You know, most of these guys weren't saving Kittens from a flaming building when they lost a limb of where paralyzed. They were Drinking and Speeding down a country road at 92 MPH , not wearing their Seatbelts. They deserved what they got, and I don't feel sorry for them. A Good cripple deals with it and doesn't say shit except maybe. "Hey, could you help me with that Stair?" If you were born with it, or were in fact saving kittens, Sorry, but them's the breaks. If you are religious, maybe it's time to Question your God. Or if you are Buddhist like me, you did something to deserve it anyway.
Red Necks: You all piss me off. I live with Red Necks, and it's not fun. My entire Father's side are Red Necks. Every last one, Except Tim, he's a Salesman in... San Antonio the last I heard. And Larry, he moved to Minnesota . Says it was because of his drinking, but it was to get away from the other Red Necks, don't lie.
White People Trying to Be Black: You're idiots. Pull your Pants up, and stop talking like you are Dyslexic. Yes, you are aloud to rap, but not dress like that. Although your beats won't be as good as a black man's. Probably because you haven’t endured "The Struggle", what the hell ever that means. I just say it's because all of them except Hatchet Records and Vanilla Ice Blow. Yes, I liked Vanilla Ice, Kiss my ass. Oh, and "Go Ninja Go Ninja Go."
White Michael Jackson: This just can't be the same Guy that Did Thriller. No fucking way. The Real MJ died during the operation, and they stuck this extra from "Planet of the Apes" in his place. I ain't falling for it.
Bill O'Reily: You can respectively suck my nuts. You bitch about absolutely everything. Stop crying you pussy, seriously. And don't cut off your guests Mikes when you are losing a fight you started. Grow your own pair of Balls and outsmart them. Then maybe I'll respect you.
Homo-phobes: They aren’t gonna come into your house at night and get you in the ass. At most they'll break in and Redecorate. And I say let them get married. Or just have a different word for it if it's that big of a deal.
Police: Stop watching me.
People on Welfare: I don't mean "My husband left me and I'm getting welfare while I finish College. I'm a Full time student with 6 classes and a kid." I mean "My Dad lived off Welfare and his father before him. Every once in awhile we just have another baby so the dough keeps coming." Fuck you fuck you fuck you. Why the fuck am I paying for this? I can't afford gas for my car, but I'm supposed to buy these ass hats a new TV? These people piss me off so damn much. I mean, even thinking about this sends me into a new plane of Pissed off.
I mean like SSJ3 Pissed off. Speaking of DBZ, ever notice that the often abbreviate Super Saiyajin with SS, and that they get Blue eyes and Blonde hair? I bet at SSJ5 they get little mustaches.
Ok, I'm getting a headache. I hate everyone, that about sums it up......Well except you of course......No, I probably hate you too, Sorry. Just assume I hate you for now, and maybe eventually I'll put up a list of People I like. But it's unlikely.