The Red Giant

 

The story goes that a man was cornered by an oni, a very large one. The oni rose his club, and proclaimed that he would eat this man. The man was very scared, and tried to bargain for his life. The demon did not want money, gold, or anything else. He only wanted to fill his belly. The man explained that his meat would be stringy, and would taste poorly. He promised the oni that if he was allowed to live, he would get him something better to eat.

Curious, the oni took him up on his offer. He said he wanted meat like the man's flesh, and a crunch like the man's bones. The demon climbed into the back of the man's truck as he was taken to a place that prepared brown meat into a crunchy shell. The demon was surprised by the invention of the "Taco."

After this the demon said he had grown bored, and told the man he would tear him apart for fun. The man once again bargained for his life. He promised the demon that if allowed to live, he would show him something more entertaining.

The oni traveled home with the man, and they watched "Rush Hour 2" together. The oni was amazed by the box that was filled with records of amazing adventures.

After the entertainment, the demon wanted a snack. This time he did not threaten the man, but asked. The man brought him a cold bottle of "Smirnoff" and a box of treats refereed to as "Little Debbies." The oni was ecstatic at what he had experienced this day.

Thanking the man for his offerings, the oni returned to his the other demons, and told his incredible story. Many of the other demons wanted to see these things for themselves, including the magic screen and taste the one called "Debbie."

The demons attacked many places, plundering these things to their heart's content. The oni loaded his arms with all he could carry, and headed back to his lair. He stopped upon seeing the man once again. He approached him, and told him what he had done, offering the man some of his plunder. The man declined, and told the oni something he had not realized.

"You stole these items? You cannot do that!"

The oni did not understand. He could and did. The man explained.

"If you keep stealing from that store, they will close and cease to exist."

The oni laughed at the man's oversight. "Then I will take from another!"

"But then they will close as well."

This frightened the demon. How would he continue to acquire such things? The man calmed the frantic demon's fears.

"You could pay for them. Perhaps you could get a job?"

A job? That sounded like something he wanted no part of. The man explained that if the demon had a job, he could buy many more things. The oni decided to give it a try.

He got a job as a "Construction man." He worked hard, thinking of the "Debbies", as well as another item he had tasted in the store called "Turkey Jerky." When he finally received the paper that was used for barter, he returned to the store. This time he bought many things, including another item that would soon become a favorite of his, a "Fruit pie."

When he returned to his friends they asked him how he had robbed so many places at once, and why nothing he had was broken. he explained to them as the man had told him. The other demons wanted "Jobs" as well, so that they could get things like the oni did.

And they did, many of the demons succeed at what they tried, making lots of money. Each of them used the money in a different way, buying bigger and better things that the other had. Soon they found themselves living among humans, enjoying many of the same things.

 



 

 

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